and so it is.

they say

2012-01-16T20:37:00.002+08:00

the greatest evil in the world is money.

i beg to differ.

i reckon the greatest evil is envy.

i agree with the stereotype, well personally at least- that for us girls, we can never be satisfied. theres always something thats lacking, something that someone else does that makes you wish that you'd be on the receiving end.

at the end of it all, you find yourself unable to be happy. wishing for something more whilst banging your head and simply asking yourself, 'why can't you just be happy with what you have?'

if such emotions were easier to control, the world would be a much much better place.

its holidays

2011-05-28T08:04:00.000+08:00

oh yeah.

long awaited ttm (:

im really glad that floorball season is over and all that. im done with the lies and im so sick of them.

its hard to believe that im actually up at this hour reading fanfic haha. havent done that since the age of the dinosaurs or sth.

yknow how sometimes it seems like everything goes wrong at the same time? what if you were part of the everything? how dyou stop yourself from causing more problems for the other person?

i love how you can tell im not okay. i hate how you believe my lies.

rough roads and bumpy roads

2011-04-11T22:51:00.000+08:00

are always present. im just glad that the bumpy patch is now over and everything's back to being normal and happy (:

im just hoping that things from now on will just be smooth sailing, no matter how unlikely it is that it would happen.

thankyou for always being there for me, for being a shoulder to lean on and cry on. and always offering me a hug. you know who you are (:

sunburnt.

2011-04-03T21:03:00.002+08:00

im so applying sunblock the next time i go swimming. like seriously. i could barely carry my bag.

and it so didnt help that we went grave cleaning today coz it was just hot everywhere ): ugh. why did my shoulders have to get sunburnt! anywhere else would be fine ><

i cant even scratch it when its itchy now coz it just ends up burning ): owww.

because im still a romantic at heart

2011-03-19T22:29:00.002+08:00

i think this song is really sweet (: but then again, how can you be sure that the girl will really come back to you if you decided to wait?

-

the man who can't be moved

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl, can you tell her where I am?"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved

'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move.

-

poor dude. life just isnt fair.

CTs

2011-03-15T22:45:00.000+08:00

are round the corner.

and i always end up doing this to procrastinate hahaha.

i scored

2011-03-02T21:47:00.000+08:00

a goal during training today.

and i paid for it with a bleeding lip and a broken nail -.-

today

2011-02-25T22:58:00.002+08:00

was full of ups and downs. idk which had more, but the up definitely felt really good to have (:

boring lessons today like bio prac. but but! christine and i learnt that mr low has a heart and isnt THAT by the book. he actually gave us a 10min break in the middle and let christine and i go down to the canteen to buy a donut and eat it coz we were really hungry (:

and then followed by chem lecture, where arthi, lava and janny totally got embarrassed by the lecturer xD i swear chloe and i were so super embarrassed for all of them and wondering why we have such fail friends in our sec4 clique xD hahaha in a really abstract way its nicely reminiscent of the time where mr aldrin tee (hahaha im not making the same mistake again) used to make fun of us in class. except that during then, it was only infront of 36 other people xD

we were late for gp >< the weird half a block thing. and i had my lunch at like 10plus xD gp was nothing interesting. im definitely not cut out to be a politician. especially judging by the way im getting uber lost and confused by everything ><

after gp was geog makeup. i think ms goh was a little pms-y/ fed up with our class already. which totally doesnt help matters coz i really think im going to fail geog. bleah. maybe i shouldve taken econs. i mean, if im going to fail either way, then might as well spend less time mugging right. i want my sec4 geog grades back ):

after geog was good. spent time with lava, evan and priya at the library watching 'the break-up' -where they actually do breakup in the end lava dear. felt so totally scammed coz evan was like 'oh they get back together in the end'. WHAT A LIE EVAN xD arthi came to join us halfway through haha.

after the movie it was just arthi lava and i left. we had our long needed htht (: and the most surprising thing was that we actually talked about stuff in the movie in like real life context xD about how some guys are just douchbags and dont seem to appreciate the things they have.

hey lava, if youre reading this, i just want you to know that regardless of anything that happens, we'll always be behind you. aand, your secrets are safe with us (: someone once told me that whoever that makes you cry isnt worth having as a friend. and i think thats true to a certain extent. even though youve been hurt and disappointed, i hope that you'll continue to keep the faith and be willing to give others a chance again. i know that it isnt a easy thing to do, but trust me on this okay? you dont want to build a wall right now. i know what youre going through, and im really sure that you'll be able to persevere and emerge stronger than ever. guys just arent worth that much. love you lava (:

hahaha went out to macs and had fries after that. just lava and i. talked about nearly everything under the sun man. bleah had i known that would be the last time i was eating for the day, i'd have bought a full meal. but just as well. at least i didnt feel like puking after training.

training was definitely an up (: it started pretty crappy coz all my direct shots were off target, so it was kinda depressing during drills. then then we played modified game 3 aside with human walls. oh that was fuunn (: it started getting better from there coz i actually scored a goal (: like for the first time when playing a game during training. EVER xD and and coach ended up playing with jo and i in the same line >< totally stressful. BUT AFTER THAT I GOT IN LIKE TWO - THREE MORE GOALS AND THUS I AM VERY VERY HAPPY AND SATISFIED (: haha no doubt at least one, if not all of them were lucky. but during the game most of my shots were on target, so yay (: okay so there were times coach kinda screamed at me for running like a headless chicken and for being at the wrong place in general and causing her to vomit blood >< and and not having a formation and being in a line rather than a triangle. butbutbut i was more aggressive (: and coach said i could shoot (: so i should use it more (: hahaha good training today (:

so improvement for gameplay today: learn to read the game better. MUST.

part of me cant wait for friendlies on monday. apparently nus is just like ite haha.

AND I NEED TO STOP GETTING BRUISES EVERY TRAINING MANZ.

AND IM SO HOLDING A GRUDGE AGAINST EVAN FOR THROWING THE BALL AT MY HEAD. AND OF ALL PLACES TO HIT IT HAD TO HIT MY HAIRBAND >:[ so i had this mini concussion on court and was stunned for like 3 secs hahaha. and evan just went, oops. HAHAHA. funny lah. but right. WHY WAS THE BALL THROWN SO HIGH. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A ROLLING GROUNDER EVAN DEAR.

i would have said today was a good day.

on my own

2011-02-17T21:56:00.003+08:00

and i stumbled across this song today and remembered how much i actually missed sec4 mep. hahaha and the nice songs from les miserables.

-

ON MY OWN

And now I'm all alone again nowhere to turn, no one
to go to
Without a home, without a friend, without a face to
say hello to
But now the night is near
And I can make believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world would go on turning
The world is full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own

-

haha surprisingly the most memorable song is the most emo one.

you shouldnt think too much before you sleep

2011-02-04T10:49:00.001+08:00

or else you'll get dreams that simply scare you.

makes you wonder what you were really thinking, what you actually wanted.

on a side note:
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR :D

d'elchanto

2011-01-30T21:34:00.005+08:00

has been one big crazy time.

haha honestly, i think im so used to being busy especially through the entire december and all the way until now, when orientation ends, im going to have some serious work-withdrawal symptoms. i cannot imagine simply doing nothing but studying >< i would love to help out and involve myself in blyc and floorball all the way until june, but i know that there'll really be some disasterous consequences later. it doesnt help that my parents are constantly nagging me everyday.

in fact, i think it might actually be a good thing that my mac fried. having a really slow computer now seriously limits the amount of time i spend slacking away on the com. hopefully it turns into something more productive instead. actually this com isnt too bad. other than the fact that the keyboard is really puny and its a windows and thus runs at the speed of a snail, its not too bad. i mean, at least its small and i think i look totally cool running around poking a tablet during orientation hahahaha. (oh dear im turning weird ><)

orientation hasnt exactly been all that i'd hope it would be. i think its really partially my fault, and partially out of my control. i really cant help it that im in plogs and need to settle all the admin work. i mean, someone has to sacrifice and do it anyway, so there'll be someone in this position. if nothing else, at least i feel a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment at having handle alot of the background stuff. like marking attendance, giving out shirts/ opacks, sorting the jae/ appeals, ensuring that the logs are there so that the activities run smoothly, yeah, i think im pretty happy with what ive been doing (:

i guess its also my fault that i havent been spending time with my og... i couldve gone the extra mile to go meet my og during whatever free time i had, but im always too lazy/ tired to meet them and be rar-rar. thats my fault. i guess i'll try my best again this week, and really try my best to bond with my og even though all my mornings are taken away. hopefully someone somewhere can see my effort and make things easier for me. heres hoping for a better week (:

on the other hand, im really really glad and grateful to have such supportive friends and batchmates. i think the entire oteam (or at least those ive talked to) have been really great at understanding when i accidentally raise my voice at them, or sound kind of impatient >< and i would really want to thank them for being so accommodating and understanding, even when i whine to random people haha. i glad that theyre so easy to talk to and im glad to have made such new friends during the period of orientation (:

then theres my usual besties (: the people that stick by me no matter what. no matter how stressed i get, no matter how angsty i get. thankyou for being there for me (: i love yall! your support means more to me than yall will ever know.

you know who you are, and im really really thankful that youre always here for me, through smses and calls and all. youve been really awesome and helpful- helping me take notes during lectures and always lending a listening ear, and being so eager to help me out at every juncture (: i owe you loads. now i wonder if youre smart enough to read what you cant see.

thanks for all the sweet stuff (:

ive got the power (:

2011-01-15T22:41:00.000+08:00

MUAHAHAHAHHA.

the fate of the little little j1s lie in my hands (: (or fingers actually)

I FEEL SO POWERFUL :D

math hates me

2011-01-09T22:23:00.000+08:00

this is seriously bad.

its like a repeat of the day before math promos where i suddenly dont get everything and cant seem to solve the simplest of problems. and i dont know whats wrong with me. the feeling sucks.

i so feel like cursing and screaming at the world now.

hahaha nerdy-ly sweet

2011-01-06T23:34:00.000+08:00

9x - 7i > 3(3x-7u)

because im a girl and i need to talk about my feelings

2011-01-05T01:57:00.002+08:00

i typed out an email for the countdown comm, and i thought i would post it here too. just for memory's sake

-

hey darlings (:
(yes you there. most of yall are girls/bimbs/sluts/bitches anyway :D)
(hahaha you know i mean that in the most affectionate way possible.)

i think before we thank the volunteers, yall are the ones that deserve the biggest and loudest applause. if not for yall, countdown would never have been the success that it was. i dont think i can express how *insert synonym for grateful/thankful/appreciative here* i am to you guys.

thankyou friends, for listening to me rant for half and hour straight. i really appreciate it. i havent really got a chance to rant that much in a really really really long time.

thankyou for making the countdown experience so memorable for me, and making the non-exco people feel included and a part of this BEEG BEEG event (:

im really sorry if what i said tonight made any of you uncomfortable/ upset/ sad, and im really thankful that all of you took it in the most objective way possible. i hope i didnt offend anyone by accident! >< (and if i did, i completely didnt mean it)

and because each and everyone of you made countdown so special for me, ive got a little something to say to each of you.

ADRIAN: YOU ARE THE MOST AWESOME GRASSROOT LEADER EVER. haha seriously. thankyou for putting up with all the whining, screaming, bitchfights, rants and every other thing that was thrown at you. thankyou so much for being so infinitely patient and there for us all the time. thankyou so much for being one of us (: boon lay will be very very sad that you decided to go )):

ANGIE: hey dear (: youre like my closest friend in the entire countdown comm. thanks for sticking by me when i felt lost and had no one to talk to. youve been really understanding and helpful and honestly i dont know if i would have joined BLYC if it werent for you. im glad we're both in countdown together, coz even though we dont have time to go out together but we can still meet and talk nonsense xD love you (: (oops. did i just make someone angry?)

CHESTER: hahaha i still cant believe youre chaslyn's brother. you two are like WAAAAY different. i never got to work with your sister as much as i worked with you though. you've been really patient when ive been really busy and im really really really thankful for that, because i think i would just have died if you chased me for anything else haha. you're awesome with your security people too. idk how you handle them the way you do, but i think its really cool that you can get a bunch of jocks to listen to you xD

DESIREE: i think youre amazing the way you can somehow settle all the guest relations stuff so fast. haha its like youve been doing this for like i dont know how many years. i think we would have had a really really difficult time if it werent for you! hahaha and on a side note, you help speed up the approval process by like twenty thousand times (:

DINGJUN: haha dingjun. youre a really really strong bitch. metaphorically. i take my hats of to you. seriously. i have no idea how you managed to handle the stage so well single-handedly, and even manage to push through all the rehearsals when nothing was working your way. i dont think you'll ever get the recognition you deserve, but i want you to know that everything youve done is simply amazing and was not a very easy thing to do. so cheerups (: i think the stage programme went great. hahahaha in fact it went so great i think God is playing a joke on you and giving you another stagehand job to do xD

GIFFORD: thankyou for securing the sponsorships for us hahaha. without it, the goody bags would have been really empty and SAD. haha. all the work you did behind the scenes is definitely appreciated (:

HONGEN: i dont know where to start. haha. you came and appeared at the right time! YOU ARE SUCH A SAVIOUR OKAY. i think i would have foamed and died (physically/ mentally & emotionally) if not for you. i know ive been a really solo worker this whole time, and i dont really like that fact. so thankyou, for accepting me as i am, and putting up with all my mood swings and all that. thankyou for being so supportive and there behind me always. knowing that i could always rely on you to help made my life so much better and easier. thankyou for being my co-ic, and i wouldnt have had it any other way (:

HUAIJUN: HA! chingay is the only thing i didnt touch. hahaha i guess you didnt need much logs for it? >< as a last minute addition to this family, youve been really great and awesome! hahaha i have no idea how you manage to get into the loop about everything and take control of everything so fast and so smoothly. its really quite amazing. im in awe (: i wish we'd have the opportunity to work together sometime (:

KENNETH: YOU. have a beeg beeg ego. BUT. youve been really supportive and helpful in helping me to organise my thoughts. haha i really need to thank you for helping to take some of the stuff off my hands. i think other than hongen, youre the one that has to put up with my mood swings the most >< i admit, there were times were i was kinda annoyed, but haha on hindsight, i think i was just pms-y (like literally) and being stupid. so well, thankyou for tolerating me and helping me make the best out of my job (:

MIRANDA: haha its strange how we only get to talk to each other during jc despite sort of knowing each other existed in rgs xD you never fail to make me laugh and brighten up my day when im feeling down and abit emo. somehow hearing your retarded jokes and whining and like complaining is really quite funny (: and even though i think no one else will admit it, im sure somewhere DEEP DEEP DEEP down inside they all think the same xD AND I FORBID YOU TO CRY OKAY.

ROYSTON: ZOMGOSH. i have absolutely no idea how you manage to make yourself free to come down and help all the time. your support and help during the decor period is seriously invaluable. haha i dont think i would have managed to transport everything from school to boonlay in a bus xD and before you say youre kaypoh or something, its a really good thing okay! im really glad that youre so interested in helping out and all that. seriously. you did alot of sai kang for logs :D

SAMANTHA: haha you were really funny when you asked for caution tape to decorate the plants at the post-reception area xD thankyou for always being there and trying your best to help us out where ever you can (:

SHIHARN: you are another amazing one. you can run the whole carnival and can still survive in one piece (even though you looked abit dishevelled after that xD) i know i always bug you for lists of logistics when youre really busy with attachment, and somehow you still manage to make time to send them to me. im really really thankful coz you helped me in my job ALOT and made it that much more bearable (: thankyou.

SYAKIR: my-og-mate-that-keeps-forgetting-im-in-his-og! seriously. youre lousy yknow. BUT. youre awesome at taking minutes. haha even if you complain that your minutes arent read, im really sure they'll come into handy someday (: thankyou so much for managing and covering the ops centre when i couldnt be there and was elsewhere tearing my hair out. you have no idea how comforted i was to hear you being there all the time. really :D and you shimmy really well too xD

WAICHOONG: sms spammer lah you. thankyou for being so accommodating and flexible (: i am really amazed about how you can sustain on so little sleep and still manage to do everything so well. im really surprised that you didnt burn out and still managed to push through to countdown day. its really an impressive feat. remember kay. you arent superman. try to get more sleep yeah? (:

YINGYAO: MY DANCE BUDDY FOR LEARNING THE BEFRIENDER'S DANCE :D haha even though you dance like a monkey (and maybe look like one too) you know that we all love you xD thankyou so much for all the hard work you put in behind the scenes. you really made the carnival and everything else we do look oh so very much pretty (: and im glad you didnt quit your job and do logs instead because everything will end up looking like that tree i made >< haha. thankyou so much for putting in all that effort and hardwork selflessly.

i think thats all i have to say. im quite sure i had more to type when i was thinking of this email in the car on the way home.

adrian is right. i could have easily gone on for another hour more if yall had just let me talk.

thankyou all, for putting up with me during the last two weeks of december. i know that i might have been a bitch to some of you, but thankyou for sticking with me and not yelling back at me or anything. (it was stress + lack of sleep + pms) like literally by the way.

maybe im a perfectionist and countdown didnt exactly go the way i would have liked it, but i wouldnt have it any other way.

thanks guys.

<3renci

p.s. im posting this email on my blog also.

-

i think despite all the bitching and angsting, im really going to miss countdown once im done with all the post-event logs.

and im so thankful for friends.

2010-12-31T03:12:00.002+08:00

i cannot believe people are just so willing to help (:

countdown in a few more hours.

everyday

2010-12-29T01:11:00.000+08:00

i think my blogpost has the same content.

maybe i should just stick to copying and pasting.

ah well. at least now if i fail at life and everything else, i'll just go sell pretty-coloured candy floss for a living hahaha.

i hate this.

2010-12-28T00:26:00.001+08:00

i hate myself more.

im reaching breaking point. and i dont know why.

im getting more short-tempered, and more frustrated. i hate that im feeling this way, and i cant seem to be in control of myself anymore. i absolutely hate myself.

why is my tolerance suddenly so low? what happened to everything?

i cant believe i actually forgot about something already.

DAMMIT. URGH. i just want to scream. right now.

whoots (:

2010-12-25T23:27:00.001+08:00

hahaha i can now wish everyone a merry merry christmas! i finished making everyone's christmas presents! now to collect addresses (: yay!

MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE :D

pink.

2010-12-25T17:10:00.002+08:00

my sister got the greatest hits cd from pink for christmas.

her most value for money cd if you ask me. i really love the songs inside haha. most of them i already have, but theres this particular one that got stuck in my head.

i thought it sounded abit like high school musical, idk which song, but i know this song came out first (: pink ftw!

-

You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh, that's right

I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Yeah huh, that's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
'Cause they're all wrong

I know better
'Cause you said forever
And ever, who knew?

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no, no no

I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong

But they knew better
Still you said forever and ever
Who knew? Yeah yeah.

I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we, until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened?

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
'Cause they're all wrong

And that last kiss I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember

But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling, who knew?

My darling
My darling, who knew?
My darling I miss you
My darling, who knew?

Who knew?

Who Knew by P!nk

-

i feel a need

2010-12-24T09:06:00.002+08:00

to blog about yesterday,

because despite all the mess, the nonsense, the unhappiness, the angsting and the bitchyness,

i still feel a need to remember (and to laugh at myself) for falling down the escalator.

HAHAHAHAHHAHA.

5000 goody bags.

2010-12-22T23:21:00.002+08:00

went pretty smoothly!

haha im really glad that we managed to finish packing all the goody bags in a day (: HA to all the grassroots that thought we couldnt.

i thought today went pretty well. it was really labour intensive, and got mind-numbingly boring, but im still really glad that everyone stuck through all the way to the end to finish packing all the goody bags, especially in that cramped small room and with the space being eaten up by the goody bags constantly.

i must learn how to manage things better on a bigger scale. manpower, space allocation and all that. i really think that it could have been done better and there would have been less mess. but, whats done is done. and im just glad that ive once again had people who are so supportive and willing.

oh. and my anger and annoyance also. it was really bad today because everything was happening at the same time, and everyone was yelling for me or something that they need all at the same time. and so i got stressed >< and became on edge. which then led to the annoyed tone. they all said that they couldnt tell at all, but it was pretty obvious to me.

im glad its done.

no wonder they say nobody's perfect.

why

2010-12-22T01:12:00.002+08:00

do i have to think of such stupid things when im busy.

today was a pretty hectic day. i guess things turned out pretty well? i mean, i was expecting less volunteers today as compared to yesterday, but more of them showed up today. haha should i be proud that PERHAPS yesterday went well and that people had so much fun that they decided to call their friends and sign up again?

ive really learnt the importance of planning ahead... like i actually have to think and look ahead and anticipate stuff, and cant just make things up on the spot coz theres stuff to prepare. i really wanted people to feel that theyre actually doing something when they come down, and not just aimlessly sit around to clock cip hours.

im not sure if i actually managed to achieve that. so far, ive been pretty lucky. ive always had one other countdown comm member with me during these decor making. their moral support has really been really uhh. supportive? hahaha. i cant think of any other word. im just really thankful to have it.

as of late, i think ive become really whiny. and its really bad. i think i actually complain about everything i do, and i dont think thats really good. complaining to other people, to advisors, to grls and to really, anyone i can think of. its not that i hate my job or anything. i just dk why i cant stop complaining. i mean yeah, in the end, i still get the job done. but like, theres really something wrong when you irritate yourself. im just going to get pissed at myself for being such a whiny little brat who cant just shut up and do things.

then theres the part where i simply cannot learn to shut up. i think i should learn not to say such stuff in front of adults. i really need to just zip up and keep my personal opinions to myself. i mean, yeah okay, theyre adults. but i dont actually agree with their way of doing stuff all the time. im just going to try harder to keep silent and to keep my own thoughts to myself. at the end of the day, if the job gets done, no one is really about to go and care HOW it was done.

idk. i only hope tomorrow will be a better day. i think i need my energy back.

oh and i think i need to learn not to show black face that easily also. must practice fake-smiling more. its seriously a life skill. no matter how annoying the person is, if your fake-smile looks genuine enough, it'll get you through anything. then again, its just for work. who wants a friend who's like that half the time.

im just really, really grateful for my friends who stand by me and support me. even though they dont say it all the time, im comforted by the occasional sms and asking if im fine.

its just a bit more. but i think i'll miss this when its all over.

sometimes

2010-12-21T01:06:00.002+08:00

i really dont know what im thinking. im like semi going into hysterics. hahaha just now sitting at the pcf area talking to kenneth, adrian and daniel for some reason i just burst into laughter and couldnt stop. and my stomach hurts so much.

and then there are times where i just get inexplicably pissed at i-dont-know what. and im just really short tempered.

just now, i opened my hotmail. i wanted to type and email to the class to ask if anyone wanted extra cip hours. like if anyone wanted to come down to boonlay on wednesday to help pack goody bags or come down on thursday to make booth decorations. i dont know what stopped me. after pasting all the contacts into the 'send' field, i just lost all motivation to send the mail. i only got as far as a 'hey friends' before deciding that it would be a really awkward email. sigh. even after a year its hard to send something like that, when i wouldnt even think twice about sending it to 403. haha. how depressing.

and my tree today was really ugly... i really appreciated it when people told me that it would look better and maybe even nice when all the leaves were on and it was spray painted. hahaha. makes me kinda happy.

p.s. bryan and francis, word of us carrying NEWater has spread far and wide in the boon lay grassroots committee. everyone is really amazed at our incredible 9 pallet feat (: hahaha even though everyone thinks im some superwoman now, i know i would never have been able to do it without your support (mentally, emotionally and physically)

i love you guys. haha. makes me cant wait to start training the new team.

i dont know what to title my post.

2010-12-18T00:58:00.002+08:00

i would say something like "if anyone said they knew how trying my day was, it'd be a lie."

but then i realised that its not entirely true.

so i would say something like "if anyone said that they could really feel the way i felt today, it'd be a lie."

today, i realised both sides of human nature. the ugly, and the beautiful. what they really say is true. the outside really doesnt truly reflect who you are on the inside. you might be old and wrinkly on the outside, but have the kindest and most willing of hearts. you might be young and decent looking and fully able-bodied, but inside youre just unwilling to get your hands dirty to help because you think there are other things in your life that are more important.

hey bryan and francis, thankyou so very much for coming down today to help me. as friends. i wouldnt know what i would do without you guys. i know yall probably think really badly of everything now, and its really all my fault. i know the planning was really crappy, and i really didnt anticipate it. i should have asked more people to come down, i should have searched harder and longer. but hey guys, you dont know how much you encouraged me by simply being there and moving everything without a word of complain or a single whine. thankyou so much for doing it all so cheerfully and somehow making me happier too. im really glad that you two decided to come down. it really reminded me of the hillary days that we shared. when come hell or high water, we just stuck through it all, through the crappy terrain, food, obstacles, issues and everything else. you two are perhaps the two guy friends ive made. i dont think i can thank you enough.

who says friendship doesnt have a price? it does. it means sacrificing your free time to help a friend.

thankyou again guys, for being there for me when it really seemed like everything was a catastrophe. you have no idea how much your presence comforted me and kept me from thinking alot of other stuff then. i really dont think i can thank you enough. i really felt like the whole world had just ditched me or sth. but having the two of you there just made things seem alot better, and that there was hope in the world.

i think i now know who my bestest friends are. i think ive learnt how to distinguish between these people and other people. and i know that i want to keep these friends for the rest of my life.

dont think you'll read this hongen, but i havent forgotten you. even though you arrived back in singapore late last night, thankyou for making the effort to come all the way down to boonlay today to help with logistics. you know you didnt have to. i just want to let you know that you really made a difference in everything today. i think we would be shifting bottles until 11pm if not for you. i know you had to go for your family dinner, and that you were already late. i know i told you that you could go after you finished two more trips, but you ended up staying all the way to the end. thankyou (: thankyou for your sacrifice.

to the old grandpa at boonlay who helped us non-stop from 430 to 8pm: i thank you. i thank you for working tirelessly and helping us to transport the boxes. i know one of these boxes werent light at all, about 8.5kg per box. yet you never stopped to take a break even though it was raining, and you had to walk a short distance in the rain to take the boxes. thankyou for continuously bending down to pick up these heavy boxes from the floor. thankyou for walking up and down the stairs at least a few hundred times to help us shift the 833 boxes of NEWater. i think what you did really inspired me to push on through this countdown, and to make it the best that i can make it for the residents of boon lay, for people like you. i will never forget your act of kindness and selflessness. no matter how many times we asked you to stop and rest, you refused to. you never muttered a single word of complain and would smile everytime we thanked you. i dont think i can ever thank you enough for what you have done. you gave so much more than the young people that were standing around watching us, and youve taught me so much even though you might not know it. without you, we might have been shifting boxes around until about 11 too.

i only wish i could give you so much more than 2 bottles of NEWater.

isnt it amazing? how sometimes the most precious of acts can never be repaid through tangible things? no matter how hard you try, they simply are never enough. i dont know, but i think until youre personally in this situation, you'll never understand how indebt and grateful you are to these people. simply listening to the story as a bystander just doesnt cut it. so you say that youve done something like that before, and yes, its hard. but its a different context. do the people you help really need the help youre providing? or are you just doing that to earn something tangible for yourself. its different being on the receiving end of this and on the giving end of this. some people can never hope to understand this.

ive learnt to be grateful. and to appreciate the things that people do for me that i can never repay. i do think that whatever i do will never be enough to repay them back for what they have done to me. i thank God for friends like these who stick by me thick and thin, and i will do as i see fit. regardless of whether the world agrees or not. because i think thats the right thing to do.

"do unto others what you want others to do unto you."

how apt. it sucks to be abandoned in the most crucial time.

my new year's resolution:
1. not to abandon my friends in the most crucial time when they need help

im feeling kind of dried and shrivelled up right now. haha.

im turning into a geek.

2010-12-15T22:26:00.001+08:00

im actually having so much fun playing with html that i just personalised almost the whole blogskin.

now to insert a comment button.

I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF :D

2010-12-14T23:51:00.001+08:00

hahaha i managed to edit the html template on my blog by myself (:

big great achievement hahaha. even if it was a minor edit (:

drastic much

2010-12-14T18:42:00.002+08:00

even though the lyrics are kinda extreme, i still think the song is quite sweet (:

-

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give

Should've known
You was trouble from the first kiss,
Had your eyes wide open -
Why were they open?

Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did

To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no

Black, black,
black and blue
beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from

Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car

Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire,
(ooh) You’ d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...

But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same.

No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no

-

Grenade by Bruno Mars

some people

2010-12-11T23:54:00.002+08:00

out there somewhere must have read my last post and thought it was hilarious that i had 28 emails.

GREAT.

coz now i end up with 35 unread IN A DAY.

this is disgusting

2010-12-09T23:48:00.002+08:00

ive learnt a new way to make out important emails!

mark as unread.

UNFORTUNATELY. its not quite working. i dont see how i can remember everything that ive marked unread. no attachment tomorrow, so i guess this means that tmr its a whole lot of settling boonlay stuff. need to organise stuff so i can work more efficiently.

and i cannot remember my deadlines anymore. oops.

work.

2010-12-07T22:41:00.002+08:00

you know youve got work to do when:

1. youve been getting calls about it the whole day

2. you come home to an inbox with 29 unread mails

3. you have a tasklist

4. your next immediate deadline is within the next few hours

5. you really want to procrastinate (hence this post)

6. youre already drafting out the email you want to type in your head

DIE. i shall aim to sleep tonight. and not tomorrow morning.

late night meetings

2010-12-02T00:50:00.002+08:00

dinner at bakerzin tonight was awesome (: hahah even though kenneth took awhile to get the hang of toasting raisin bread properly. and i found a bunch of butter addicts :D

the meeting today WAS SO LONG ZOMGOSH. can anyone blame dingjun and i for having a short attention span? hahaha and pregnant cats are like RECTANGULAR when they lie down. no seriously. they actually form a perfect rectangle. BIG rectangle. hahaha. SUPER CUTE. and then there was this black cat that looked SO GROOMED and super nice to touch. the tail was so cute (: and it had BEEG GREEN EYES (:

haha i think im turning into a somewhat cat addict. ah well. they ARE cute when they arent busy spitting furballs (:

AND THEN THERE WAS A FLATTENED BIRD LYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. with all its guts spilling out >< all we could make out were the wings (and thats because they were flat in the first place, according to hongen). then syakir had to go and do his bimbo impression of how the bird got knocked over by the car that made it end up the way it was on the road xD

stayed all the way until 2330 i think. then shi harn's dad came to give kenneth and i a lift to khatib mrt (: LUCKILY I CAUGHT THE LAST TRAIN TO TOA PAYOH. if not i think my dad wouldve killed me or sth >< oh and in the car kenneth and i played air hockey on the ipodtouch (: guess who won! hahaha without much effort as well. half the time he was being aggressive and own-goaling (:

and now i cant listen to katy perry's firework without thinking of some half frightened taxi driver out there xD

better lyrics

2010-11-16T23:15:00.002+08:00

to time for miracles by adam lambert

it's late at night and i can't sleep
missing you just runs too deep
oh i can't breathe, thinking about your smile (oh gosh must be dead already)

every kiss i can't forget
this aching heart ain't broken yet
(are you eating this baguette?)
oh god i wish, i could make you see

'cause i know this flame (of my stomach) isn't dying
so nothing can stop me from trying

baby you know that, maybe it's time for chicken rice
'cause i ain't giving up on Dove (chocolates!)
you know that maybe it's time for chicken rice
'cause i ain't giving up on Dove (chocolates!)
no, i ain't giving up on puffs!

hahaha RETARD.

and some mistakes

2010-11-16T21:21:00.001+08:00

will really just keep following you.

i really do wish i hadnt done that.

be strong.

2010-11-13T21:34:00.002+08:00

"but, anyone that doesn't cry can't be strong. no matter what happens, after you cry, then you can face the problem better."

- Kurogane from Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle

zomgosh.

2010-11-09T12:45:00.001+08:00

my thumb is the same size as alvan's little toe.

i want a dragon

2010-11-06T22:01:00.002+08:00

just watched 'how to train your dragon' at grans with cousins and family.

haha my little cuz was SO CUTE. general consensus is that he cannot watch a movie in the cinema! haha he kept standing up when it got exciting and and when something remotely scary comes up, he practically SQUEALS xD and then my poor aunts get the shock of their lives xD

I WANT A DRAGON (: toothless (isnt exactly toothless) IS SO CUTE :D

my next pet is so going to be a beeg black dragon i can sit on and fly around on (:

at the end of the day

2010-11-03T22:25:00.001+08:00

you only need a few good friends.

you'll know who those just happen to be.

balukus

2010-10-31T12:26:00.001+08:00

IM SORRY FOR LAUGHING AT YOUR BALUKU CHRISTINE )):

i got one too. and its not going away...

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, its no where near as obvious as yours ((:

hmm.

2010-10-27T21:55:00.002+08:00

"the dimple i was trying to poke out turned into a pimple."

Someone told me that in life, all you need are a few good friends. i guess thats really true.

even though you might feel like youre locked out of some stuff sometimes, you know that your bestest buds will always be right by you.

im sorry if ive ever disappointed any one of you, but thankyou, for always standing by me and giving me a spot in your heart (:

oh gosh. so mushy xD

and i wonder.

2010-10-26T21:10:00.003+08:00

isnt it simply just amazing how you can be strangers with someone you think you know?

maybe its time to write in my diary again. some thoughts really cant be here (i wont forget THAT mistake).

2010-10-25T21:42:00.001+08:00

i hate that im changing.

so much.

thankyou chloe (:

2010-10-22T22:37:00.001+08:00

生命中总会下雨，但每一场雨都会停止，所以如果您生命中出现狂风暴雨，不要气馁，不要沮丧，也许这是您幸福的前奏，命运的转机。

oOPs

2010-10-20T21:34:00.002+08:00

haha. oops.

op was surprisingly better than expected! didnt have a script, barely looked at what ever scrap paper i had in my hand, and still managed to get a decent grade (: (i even threw that piece of scrap paper away HAHAHA).

im kinda happy coz ms may wong (a very very strict person) gave me some compliment in some weird way, but it was sure appreciated (: and now im happy and actually feeling hopeful for pw (:

oh oh and on the way home i saw the NUAH cat again. and it was so cute (: it totally rolled over and looked at me and waited for me to pet it (: i think cats really really have cute cute beeg eyes!

and and the NUAH cat has kitties! ZOMGOSH they are SO CUTE. haha they dont roll over in the middle of the pavement, but run away, but theyre really really cute and small (:

whoots.

2010-10-20T02:48:00.003+08:00

haha and im DONE WITH PW PPT (:

i think its quite pretty, if i do say so myself (: i think it was a... haha few hours work. i bet i couldve taken a shorter time if my ppt didnt crash on me so much man.

with that being said, it still cooperated with me and i still finished (: yay!

but... i still cant wait for pw to end. even though pw does bring back alot alot alot of fond memories
(haha chloe, qi and zhen! i will never forget how we all slept at like 3am plus waiting for each other to finish the DAY BEFORE competition :D)

hey guys, remember how i was always the slackest out of the 3 of us? hahaha. retribution i swear.

and if i sleep now, i still get FOUR hours of sleep (:

2010-10-17T11:37:00.002+08:00

"If there was a religion of Annaism, and I had to tell you how humans made their way to Earth, it would go like this: in the beginning, there was nothing at all but the moon and the sun. And the moon wanted to come out during the day, but there was something so much brighter that seemed to fill up all those hours. The moon grew hungry, thinner and thinner, until she was just a slice of herself, and her tips were as sharp as a knife. By accident, because that is the way most things happen, she poked a hole in the night and out spilled a million stars, like a fountain of tears.

Horrified, the moon tried to swallow them up. And sometimes this worked, because she got fatter and rounder. But mostly it didn't, because there was just so many. The stars kept coming, until they made the sky so bright that the sun got jealous. He invited the stars to his side of the world, where it was always bright. What he didn't tell them, though, was that in the daytime, they'd never be seen. So the stupid ones leaped from the sky to the ground, and they froze under the weight of their own foolishness.

The moon did her best. She carved each of these blocks of sorrow into a man or a woman. She spent the rest of her time watching out so her other stars wouldn't fall. She spent the rest of her time holding on to whatever scraps she had left."

- My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

I had a strange dream last night. i dreamt that you grabbed my hand and wouldnt let go. it was really awkward then.

until i woke up and realised that it was strange. because i barely even know you.

honestly,

2010-10-13T00:56:00.001+08:00

if you ever ever say that again, on your blog or to whoever.

youre just an idiot who sure as hell doesnt know the meaning of that word.

po-tay-toes.

2010-10-12T14:09:00.002+08:00

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/8EQNeN/www.randompics.net/%253Fp%253D6484

10.45pm

2010-10-11T23:23:00.002+08:00

is the earliest ive ever reached home from a blyc meeting in boonlay (: thanks to wai choong's dad of course!

i actually have stuff to do for plogs- the quotes thing, and stuff for blyc- electrical map.

oh and SOMEHOW, one way or another, i need to magically materialise 25 walkie-talkies for the countdown on the actual day.

HOW AMUSING (:

but other than that, today was a good day. busy, but good (:

sometimes, it feels like your friends are drifting off and away. those you might have once been close too, you cant seem to talk anymore.

haha i guess i finally understand what they mean when they say that your friend is an overachiever and unconsciously makes you feel like crap.

life after promos

2010-10-10T23:38:00.003+08:00

is great. hahaha.

you can wake up at like 10am and feel no guilt. you can spend your time on the com watching anime/ reading fanfic/ surfing youtube/ or just aimless surfing (:

and then you can spend your afternoon baking tiramisu and mini frittatas (: haha and bake it a 2nd time that evening because theyre so good/ you bought too much ingredients/ gave the first batch away/ wanted to perfect the recipe (:

i'd say this is definitely WAYY more fun than pw (: or mugging for promos.

i cannot wait for pw to end.

2010-10-09T21:29:00.001+08:00

so heres a random poem i found somewhere online. kudos to whoever that wrote it.

There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why hasn't the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down,
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all.)

That is why:
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts,
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

dont we all?

2010-10-06T19:29:00.001+08:00

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.

So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

- from somewhere.

i miss the good ol' hc days.

2010-10-03T19:49:00.001+08:00

there was this quote somewhere:

how is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

(hahaha or in our case, just one match, and one VERY VERY imba firestarter xD)

random musings.

2010-10-02T21:11:00.003+08:00

one paper for promos left! haha im looking forward to be free of promos, but not looking forward to getting papers back at all. im so praying for a miracle that i wont retain. gosh.

but i guess through this time of promos, i guess its not only for me, but you really can see who your friends are. i mean, those that will actually last for a long long long time. somehow, theyre always there encouraging you and giving you hope. and writing tiny little notes that bring great joy (and amusement xD). and little titbits and other stuff (:

haha. im definitely going to treasure you guys for the rest of my life.

and then for some random reason, my p6 sister's friend seems to be more in touch with the rest of singapore than my family. she received an sms telling her about the passing of mrs lee kuan yew. i think its kinda sad for her to be known as mrs lee kuan yew though. maybe its just feminism of sorts, but like, isnt she still an individual? hmm.

(and my dad says it prolly might not be long before mr lee kuan yew follows. not entirely impossible, especially with all those love stories about spouses that love each other so much.)

http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_585910.html (notice the position of the umbrella in the photo in the article)

then there was this buzz about this singaporean med student that got killed in UK. how any idiot on earth can drive a car and then drag a HUMAN body around for TWO WHOLE KILOMETERS just astounds me. honestly. hello. i mean like, its just THAT bit obvious. at least have the decency to stop and come out to see what you hit right! even if you were drunk. JEEZ. hang the guy man.

and she was rj's med soc chairperson. 06/07 or something... just makes it all the more scary and real. fellow rafflesian. those insanely crazy and smart ones.

on a SLIGHTLY lighter note, i got a letter 'ON GOVERNMENT SERVICE' today! omgosh! so cool. so being a typical person my age (without the pain of army), i went "I WONDER WHAT IT COULD BE!" so i excitedly opened the slightly bulky letter and took a pass out.

AND ZOMGOSH. GUESS WHAT IT WAS! I GOT AN F1 TICKET :D SO COOLIOS RIGHT! BUT OH WAIT, WHEN WAS F1 AGAIN? let's check the date. 25th sept 2010. WOW. LAST SATURDAY. THAT WAS 7 DAYS AGO. GENIUSES I SWEAR.

ah well. maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

arbeit macht frei

2010-09-30T22:48:00.000+08:00

and work will set you free.

ugh.

2010-09-30T19:54:00.002+08:00

anyone that thinks math paper today was easy should just go away.

stupid thing made people upset and cry.

indeed

2010-09-28T22:48:00.000+08:00

there are more wishes than there are stars.

ahh. mugging.

2010-09-23T21:00:00.001+08:00

i think mugging kills my brain cells. and makes me think of stupid things. and! it just so happens to be related to love because of bennah and jon starting that blog of theirs haha.

so here goes:

it starts with i and ends with you. its sweet and mushy and rhymes with “i love smoo”.

and i have no idea what im doing :D

2010-09-17T05:10:00.000+08:00

haha its like 510am. and i just finished pw. and came back from universal studios at like 1am!

im wide awake :D

WEEE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

i think im happy. maybe i should sleep less :D

music makes me happy. hahaha. yay!

i am screwed.

2010-09-14T22:03:00.001+08:00

so this is what i have to revise for promos.

MATHS
graphs of basic functions
inequalities and equations
functions
graphing techniques
ap & gp
P & C
probability
binomial
poisson
normal
sampling
hypothesis testing
correlation & regression

BIO
carbohydrates
lipids
proteins
enzymes
cell structure
cell membrane
mitosis
meiosis
dna & genomics
viruses
bacteria
photosynthesis
control of pro & eukaryotic genome
cancer

CHEM
atoms, moles and stoichiometry
atomic structure
chemical bonding
gases
chemical energetics
reaction kinetics
chemical equilibria
intro to org chem
alkanes
alkenes

GEOG
physical
litho
structure of earth, continental drift theory, plate tectonics theory
global structural landforms
extrusive volcanism (causes/ hazards/ mitigation)
earthquakes (causes/ hazards/ mitigation)
classification of rock types
weathering
mass movement (causes/ hazards/ mitigation)
limestone and karst landscape
granite and associated landforms
hydro
hydrological cycle
soil moisture storage, infiltration, throughflow and overland flow
channel flow and hydrographs
groundwater storage
floods (causes/ hazards/mitigation)
human
globalisation
characteristics/ processes/ impact on world economy
how globalisation has affected economies (LDCs/ DCs/ NIEs)
NIDL (impact of new technologies on work)
impact of global economic change (tertiarisation)
TNC characteristics
spatial organisation of TNC
linkages with host economy (FDI & influence on national/regional economies
role of state (impact on economy- EPZs, business parks)
supranational bodies (trading blocs, international institutions)
population
demographic terms and application
fertility & mortality variables
DTM
pro/ anti-natal policies
population projections
population pyramids

am i screwed, screwed, or screwed?

expectation

2010-09-12T20:09:00.002+08:00

is a nasty little critter.

i remember there being a time where expectation for someone equated to not giving up on that person.
i remember there being a time where expectation for someone meant that you cared for that person.
i remember there being a time where expectation for someone signified a strong belief in that person.

i remember there being a time where expectation for someone denoted hope.

but yknow, right now, im just thinking and wondering if expectation even is a good thing.

when you get to know someone better, its normal (most definitely) that you'll have some expectation for that friend to live up to. i mean, its like certain things you would expect a friend to do.

but then with expectation, disappointment comes. no?

to even be disappointed in the first place, youd need to expect something and not get it.

im wondering, if i should just trash all that expectation. reset everything back to zero.

oops. holiday mood haha.

2010-09-07T21:59:00.002+08:00

had pw consultation again. haha uhh. it was the usual... getting slammed and all >< but uhh. on the bright side! hopefully our pw does well (: if not, uhh. DIES. but i have faith in our group! hahaha.

and then after that, sat in the canteen with arthi for awhile to listen to each other rant about the unfairness of life and how almost everyone in rj is some overachiever. and how it gets worse when your close friends are the overachieving ones >< bleah. life is unfair.

and i realised i miss sec4. STILL ): when everyone was busy slacking around haha.

today's studying was WAY unproductive >< no motivation at all. veggie samurai and ipod games are WAYY more fun (:

not to forget sitting around the swing lying on the floor looking at the sky talking (:

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? :D

thanks for always being there.

THANK GOD:D

2010-09-06T23:28:00.001+08:00

and suddenly the world seems a whole lot brighter now.

for just a little more.

2010-09-06T20:26:00.003+08:00

and im just going to hang on, and take whatever bullshit that comes my way.

i cant wait to finish it, and i cant wait for this to end.

i know i can finish the rest of it. and i'll do it, and still do well for promos (:

because ive got awesome friends to study with and help me along and listen to me bitch. (thanks peoples)

thankyou chloe and zhenling (: for giving me all the knowhow from SB and SMP (: i love you guys.

enough digression. time to start work.

AGAIN.

a good day (:

2010-09-04T22:37:00.002+08:00

haha today was a good day.

cant believe i dozed off at like 1030 last night ><

so i happily forgot to set alarm and ended up waking up at like 845 when i had to be in school by 9. epics.

hey HC PEOPLES (: i totally missed talking to you people and catching up with you folks! i had so much fun talking about NZ today with yall! and mugging and talking nonsense and taking walks and buying stuff from 7-11 and bubbletea and whatnot (: lets do this more often! haha yall totally made my week (:

dinner with the yog people at crystal jade was awesomes! haha cat and keow koon being their usual... and then great company and great food hahaha (:

and suddenly, even though promos are round the corner, the world seems brighter now.

p.s. thankyou for being so sweet and sending me the song haha (: someones becoming sharp.

p.p.s. WE WILL BE BACK! (hahah does the funny handsign :D)

today was so not a good day.

2010-09-02T18:07:00.002+08:00

whoever that said today was a good day, is plain LYING.

i think im sick and tired of life.

ever get the feeling that sometimes you dont know what to do with people?

idk if you know who you are. ive never said much on this blog for you, but right now, i hope youre doing fine. i would have smsed you, but... someone advised me against it.

for you.

2010-08-29T23:51:00.001+08:00

We spend most of our time talking about nothing, but I just want to let you know that all these nothings mean so much more to me than so many somethings.

and i cant wait for holidays

2010-08-29T23:24:00.001+08:00

Patience is bitter, but it bears sweet fruit.

yog!

2010-08-25T21:09:00.002+08:00

hahaha i realised that everyone in accreditation (acd) in bishan has posted something awesome about yog somewhere! either on their blogs or like on facebook.

so i shall conform to peer pressure and join the club and post a little something about yog.

started out a few months back when i signed up with christine to volunteer and all that. haha was kind of wanting to watch the competition. so thats why i signed up. but i signed up for the wrong job if i wanted to watch the competition.

at that point in time, i didnt know that acd was a desk job, so like oops. only when i went for the training sessions did i realise that my job wouldnt exactly allow me to watch the games.

started off the first day of yog feeling abit apprehensive... didnt know anyone else there save for jovina. but then again, didnt know her very well either. was actually contemplating not showing, but haha. responsibility and all >< really was a huge leap out of my comfort zone, having to mix with completely new people and all that. it really didnt help that all the other volunteers were older, and there were only 3 other rj students. 2 of which i had no idea who they were beforehand ><

but i guess it turned out pretty okay. really really fun in fact. made loads of new friends, especially with the transport people (:

in the end, im proud to say that all of us have bonded so much. even with the adults who were always great fun to talk to (: and always ready to share their stories and experiences with us for a good laugh (: i never expected to be so sad that the entire yog is over. and even though i was rostered for 10 days of duty out of a possible 11, being down for duty was actually really enjoyable. after all, even the most boring of jobs can be made interesting if the people were awesome (:

kudos to the people who bought the cake and the subway cookies to celebrate (: and to daphne and oliver who walked all the way out to buy all of us koi bubbletea and actually treated us to it (:

i know some people took photos with the athletes and all that, but at the end of the day, those are just photos. i guess its the memories of the friends youve made and the jokes that we've shared that makes things memorable. years down the road, photos will fade into oblivion. the greatest takeaway of all will not be the photos, nor the badges, but the friendships forged.

so heres thankyou to everyone at bishan acd:

CATHERINE: thankyou for being our motherly manager and always taking care of us! and laughing at keow koon with us!

KEOWKOON: you've always laughed along and broke the rules with us (: haha we <3 you! and you always whine at cat when shes not on duty!

JOVINA: hahaha you and your hot guys (: and the many many many badges you have (: and how workaholic you are xD

ROVIK: mr on-time xD how ironic. thanks for always entertaining me the office when we dont have anything to do (:

KAILUN: you always go up to the office upstairs to mug! haha but i guess thanks for taking the most boring job xD

OLIVER: thankyou for making me laugh and keeping me entertained! i so dont bully you! always remember ice lemon tea (:

DESMOND: omgosh first year law student (: thankyou for telling me all those ns stories xD

WINNIE: thankyou for helping me keep the office tidy and orderly and being so efficient at everything (:

DAPHNE: thankyou for the awesome and safe cab ride (: and the koi bubble tea!

LAWRENCE: i hope you get well soon!

then theres the many many transport people!

SHIRIN: THANKYOU THANKYOU for being my first friend from transport (: and always joining me for lunch (: i <3 you alot!

TONY: OMGOSH MY AWESOME RJ J3 SENIOR! hahaha thanks for EVERYTHING. from the company, to the conversations, to the free tuitions, to the fangirling, and all the way to everything else (:

ALVIN: transport manager (: always suanning oliver about ice lemon tea (: thankyou for brightening up our container (:

ISKANDAR: youve been an awesome transport manager!

HALIMI: even though youre a really really high ranking major in the army, thankyou so much for always joking around with us and all that (:

and so many many more for transport that i really cannot remember ><

ilovebishanacd/transportpeoples (:

keep in touch!

ahhh.

2010-08-24T22:35:00.003+08:00

i have a list of stuff to catch up on/ do after this whole yog is over. which means i need to start work in like... a day -.-

- collect money for claire
- collect money from bryan
- pay cuier
- submit bicult trip form
- gp essay
- 3 pieces of phy geog homework (overdue!)
- human geog essay plan
- chem equilibria tutorial (overdue!)
- chem worksheet
- org chem tutorial
- math functions tutorial (overdue!)
- pw wr. bleah.

haha okay the first 3 are just things to remind myself. then theres still random stuff like the pe elearning thingy and like learning journey reflections which i have yet to done ><

feeling really really dead.

i dont gerrit when you post ambiguous stuff in white ><

icecreams.

2010-08-23T23:26:00.001+08:00

you see right. if icecreams are cold, wouldnt they sooth the throat?

renci wants icecream. and what renci wants, renci gets.

so ICECREAM is MINE.

hahaha that was so brattish. and random.

protectiveness.

2010-08-16T21:09:00.004+08:00

just because im losing my voice abit doesnt mean you have to be so protective! i want my yami )):

but thanks ((: i know you care about me alot.

accreditation is such madness. and fun-ness xD and you even have time to finish up overdue homework in between hahaha.

AND YOU. turn me into such an OCD STALKER that i now highlight EVERYTHING ><

but once in awhile, it pays off (:

you cant creep me out. no matter how hard you try. as long as youre honest with me too (:

and i hope

2010-08-13T21:46:00.002+08:00

that you will continue to understand and be patient with me.

that you arent replying me just for the sake of it sometimes.

that you'll get well soon.

and all three yous are different people (: know who you are.

sunburns and weird people.

2010-08-11T19:40:00.002+08:00

I LOVE THE PEOPLE THAT CAME ON MONDAY TO HANG OUT AT SENTOSA/DINNER/ WHATEVER ELSE WE DID (:

was sitting in the canteen with cuiers rox and lin after the ogl meeting. we were laughing SO LOUDLY and being so weird it was just retarded. lin and her bimbo-ness, rox and her really really ugly diseased heart and cuier and her artsy fartsy-ness xD i love yall(:

even though we're really weird people that make really stupid jokes.

even though we go and play frisbee in the sea from 11am - 3pm and are all still sunburnt today (since monday!).

awesome siolz! hahahaha.

and its for friends like this that you dont mind getting sunburnt over and over and over again for. even if it means you go to school looking like a lobster that just got out of bed (because you cant comb your hair when your scalp is burnt xD)

ugh yog.

2010-08-07T22:19:00.002+08:00

yog hasnt even started and im already being irritated by it. honestly.

accreditation people keep revising the schedule. now they tell me i have to resched chem spa AND bio spa. UGH. as if rescheduling bio spa isnt bad enough already. now you last minute tell me i have to do something about chem spa also >< i swear if they still put me down after that email i sent, im so going to scream.

lets see. minus the day of closing and opening ceremony, yog is from 15-25th august. thats like 11 days. and they rostered me down for duty on 10 out of 11 days. WELL DONE. ugh. there goes whatever nonsense else i have to do. prolly just going to end up sitting around and stoning there.

seriously lah. so annoyed with them that i actually went to count the number of days that other people have. and guess what? i got annoyed further -.- ive got the most number of days. sheesh. i protest man. had like 6 days at first. now end up with 10.

GTH annoying peoples. hmph.

winning the lottery?

2010-08-06T22:43:00.001+08:00

"finding the one for you is hard; its a one in a six billion chance. just like winning the lottery! you wont be sad if you dont win the lottery right?"

- how i met your mother

and you thought you knew

2010-08-04T22:51:00.003+08:00

someone that has spent the last two years with you?

its just quite amusing. flipping through facebook photos, you kinda get to see how some relationships are just plain superficial? perhaps you already know, but somethings just end up proving it.

haha when you try and celebrate a friend's bday in the morning, and later she throws a bday party but forgets to invite the whole group of you who remembered? isnt it just... idk. weird. it really just makes things all the more obvious eh.

whether jc is better than secondary school... it really all does depend on the person and the environment one is in. its as good as you want to make it out to be.

some people just have all the luck in the world to be constantly sorted into bonded classes.

random musings

2010-08-01T12:10:00.000+08:00

"You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride."

Mercy by Jodi Picoult

break from eom

2010-07-29T01:09:00.002+08:00

hahaha i think my attention span is like decreasing with age. i cant even get myself to complete my entire eom without getting distracted. im at 441 words :D whoots! thats like 3/4 done? (: not bad lah. considering i only started at 12 and still digressed on msn abit and spend idk how long looking for info on the stupid author.

omgosh crazy day today. was seriously late/ left early for everything. school was normal. i mean, how interesting can math tutorial, bio lecture and math lecture be? haha okay, so bio lecture was interesting. bio teacher played the world cup song! and now its stuck in my head >< abit late i know. haha math today was considerably better than monday. at least she didnt call the math rep from 3C. one of the more horrid moments in my life.

after that was chem spa >< haha okay ive officially lost hope for As. i bet this is like the first time im actually going to mug for a spa. really. ah well. first time for everything no?

so school ended at 1230 (really early) and like had lunch/ talked/ stoned around in the canteen until 215 where the gp talk started. haha its really bad coz like all the classes that my gp teacher teaches, everyone bitches about how fat/ annoying he is and how he cant teach properly. haha no mention of names there.

ran off at like 3pm before q and a. which isnt early enough, because i was still late for pw interview at environmental building. who knew getting from bishan to newton would take so long! got there round 345 >< nearly got lost coz i forgot which building it was (then later realised that i needed to go to a buliding with 11 floors and all the buildings around me were really short). but the nea people were so nice! like they were really friendly and all, so i didnt feel too bad about going alone. until after that when i went for blyc stuff, then everyone told me that we're apparently not supposed to go for interviews alone. apparently its like unsafe. haha oops. not like anything can be done about it anyway. whatev.

ended up asking more questions than necessary actually. ended around 445? was practically struggling to scribe and ask questions at the same time since they didnt allow recording. haha i think my fingers died after that interview. and my brain too! haha it was on permanent multi-task lah. but i felt so paiseh in the middle of the interview, coz like the nea people asked why there was only me. haha i think they were kinda sad for me or something, coz they kept telling me how the other rj groups they talked to had like 3 laptops and 3 people scribing at the same time o.0 scary much.

haha bumped into people at the mrt station on the way back to school. so funny. everyone was like "oh youre going home?" then i had to tell them i was going back to school -.- seriously lah. it was like fighting the mrt traffic coming from the opposite direction.

by the time i actually got back to rj, it was like 515 -.- 1 hour and 15 minutes late for training. oh epic. did a couple of drills, then abit of stickwork before it was 6pm and royston was bugging me to go to the canteen to meet the blyc people. gosh lah. i went late for training and left early. so annoying ><

and when i went to the canteen thinking that i was really late, people only showed up at like 615 -.- 15 min after supposed meeting time. and then i found out that wai choong scammed all of us coz he said the meeting was at 730 when it was actually at 8. ARGH. i could have stayed at training for awhile longer.

went over to boonlay to have dinner and all that. then met with the grassroot leaders for countdown planning. haha they assigned us to our mentors today! they assigned like 3 people to logistics >< i can predict that its going to be one hell of an interesting experience working with these people for the rest of this year man. hahahaha and talking nonsense with the blyc people is uber fun. and random xD

finished meeting around 940? sat around at lakeside mrt until 1020 when waichoong's dad came to pick him up and give shiharn, kenneth, gifford and i a lift back to the central area so we didnt have to train so long.

reached home at 1050 - 11? haha by the time i finished dinner (yes again) and bathing, it was like 12mn. hahahaha. and im suprised i still have time and energy to blog.

alrights. i shall end of here and go finish pw. then try and see what i can do for bio mock spa tmr xD

and just what exactly, constitutes as 'playing with people's feelings'?

just wondering.

2010-07-27T22:41:00.001+08:00

someone asked me this last night.

dyou think a guy and a girl can be just friends?

blyc day.

2010-07-25T20:48:00.002+08:00

and i spent nearly my whole day in boonlay today.

so my group planned an amazing race for the primary school kids from boon lay gardens primary in conjunction with the one community walk held today. and OMGOSH. the kids were SO CUTE and SO ENTHU. like they were running from station to station, and looked so happy to participate and play (: haha it really made our day knowing that our efforts were really appreciated. and its really hard to believe that these kids were practically RUNNING from station to station- something my team didnt even do during hillary. okay maybe we did. like during finals in botanic gardens. thats all. but like! these kids looked so super happy (: haha and they got prizes too.

and then after the whole event, this grassroot leader was like 'oh to thank you for your efforts, we would like to give you guys a passion card each.' then he handed us this whole bunch of forms. we opened it happily expecting there to be a card inside, and when we couldnt find any sign of it, we realised he passed us APPLICATION FORMS. oh gee, thanks. haha and the emcee on stage said, 'kids, when the VIP comes, remember to CRAP.' HAHAHAHA okay inside joke xD (sorry ziqi).

went out for lunch with group and whoever else that came to help- mainly just group and blyc exco. haha scammed angie, dingjun and yingyao coz they thought the meeting was at 2pm even though waichoong said 1pm. so we just called them to guilt-trip them even though there were like only 5 of us there and most people were only coming after 2pm.

went to the clubhouse to meet and start settling stuff for countdown 2011. haha logs sound really free (: for the moment at least. THANK GOODNESS I DIDNT SIGN UP FOR BUSINESS MANAGER. gosh. just listening to them talk about tenders and sponsorships are enough to make me puke >< logs is so much more simple and straightforward. and free at the moment (: hahaha. and the beanbag in the clubhouse is really comfy. i think i dozed off in the middle of the meeting. oops.

we ended the meeting at like 530pm with major digressions. haha i think it sort of turned into an exco meeting halfway, with royston, yingyao and i being honorary members of sorts xD

and then there was TONS of suanning (: haha they practically matchmade the whole exco. AWWW (:

symposiums.

2010-07-24T17:08:00.002+08:00

haha today turned out to be a shorter day than expected. my grandma decided not to cook, so we arent going over to her place for dinner. which gives me a free evening :D

omgosh ri was so crowded today. there was like founder's day over at ri. and then there was bicultural prog, yog, sports symposium and some other random thing being held in some seminar room.

which i promptly gave this rgs junior the wrong directions for. oops. but like. how am i supposed to know that block j is where the sem rooms are! never knew that block even had a name. i thought it was the mph, ish or pac. so i told her to walk down to the first floor and look from there. oops. idk if she ever managed to get to her location >< ahh. whoever that is, IM SO SORRY ><

bicultural was like. the usual. even the cheem questions asked by prc scholars. i wish i had their brains!

skipped out of bicultural close to lunch time to have a dry run for the symposium later in the afternoon. hahaha most epic moment was when people kept asking charlene and i (who were in blazers btw) what prize we got xD sadly, we had to go spoil it by telling them that we were just extra people to help out at the prize table during prize presentation >< sports symposium was pretty fun, even though all we did was sit backstage and try very very hard not to make a sound. and our court shoes were making SO MUCH NOISE that we took em off and started walking around barefooted. hahah and the teachers kept joking that we would forget to put our shoes back on when we went on stage to help xD nicole and gee didnt have such an easy time though. the people that they were supposed to usher onstage just kept walking off without them and like completely ignoring them! as such, they kept walking up from the wrong side of the stage -.- seriously man. the vips should learn to open their eyes bigger and use their brains.

haha being backstage has its benefits too! like charlene and i totally rushed out to the refreshment area once the vips were let out (: we were there first and didnt have to queue to get food! even though we hadnt had lunch, we started off with dessert first (: and luckily too! coz like the desserts- eclaires and all- finished super fast! we went on to have proper food for 'lunch' after that. but at least the teachers were nice enough to buy us chocolate buns for lunch xD

and i forgot to take a picture of us in blazers )): ah wells. hopefully theres a next time (:

of guilt-trips.

bleah. i know you read my blog. quite regularly too. but idk if you'll make the connections.

pqq, why you come and guilt-trip me! like everyone else )): idk what to do also okay. you see him, then you heartpain for him. what dyou want me to do?

idkk. i guess i'll think about it after As? coz i dont have enough brain capacity for it now xD

and suddenly, theres a ray of hope.

2010-07-20T19:51:00.002+08:00

feels that the class is finally getting closer and more bonded (: its slow and not much of a tremendous improvement, but we're getting there :D went over to ri for lunch- like half the class, and talked alot more nonsense xD

geog today was epic. hahaha ms goh was so amazed when we told her that ernest did his work! sadly we had to break it to her that he did what was due LAST week xD haha and when she thought of chasing him, in the end she gave up and said 'uhh, its okay. let's just stick to you being one week behind.' HAHAHAHAHA ms goh is AWESOME at suanning.

chem and bio spa coming up soon bleah >< not looking forward to that!

and blyc is going to get SO MUCH busier. haha dies.

ah well. maybe its time to stop the procrastination and finally start studying or something. or at least attempt to ><

tsk. i bet theres something you arent telling me. idiot.

did curiosity kill the cat?

2010-07-17T23:10:00.002+08:00

haha im turning into some stalker.

bleah why did you have to make me so curious?

haha chloe pawa, i will never laugh at you for stalking ever again ><

ramblings.

2010-07-04T00:01:00.002+08:00

when you get a close friend, you'd expect not to be judged.

when you get too close to someone thats not who you expected, it hurts. because you do get judged.

the reason i stopped talking to you and trusting you, was because you did the same first. im petty? maybe. betrayal sucks.

and perhaps some friendships were never meant to be that strong.

of vague amusement and guilt-trips.

2010-07-03T22:40:00.002+08:00

im actually quite amused at how two people can talk to each other, so indirectly, over a blog, or perhaps two blogs. you know i read yours, the same way i know you read mine.

sometimes, you cant help but look back on all youve done and wonder if youve done the right thing. even though it hurts at the start, sometimes you really have to persist to see the results.

on friendship, yeah, i think youre right. you know who the person is. and gosh. it does suck to know what youve done has had major serious repercussions. makes you wanna slap yourself and wonder what on earth you were thinking at that point in time.

on love, perhaps you make someone wait, not in hope that someone will wait for you. but in hope that the other person would give up. perhaps you think you dont deserve it. maybe.

haha rather ambiguous blogpost, no?

lessons learned.

2010-07-03T08:53:00.001+08:00

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo.
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
When life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should have taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are the things that make you strong!
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone.
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
From everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
From every change, life has thrown me.
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
Lessons learned.

Lessons Learned by Carrie Underwood

thankyou for helping me move on.

2010-07-02T22:46:00.004+08:00

hey zhenling, I don't think you're reading this, but if you are, thankyou so much for having lunch with me today, and listening to me (: thankyou for helping me see things in another way. thankyou for helping me get over myself and stop the sinking feeling in my stomach every time i see the name.

hey, i wonder if you're still reading this blog after that day in march. part of me wishes you did, and part of me wishes you didnt. if you're reading this, then i want to tell you that im not going to feel bad anymore. ive spent the last 4 months since that day feeling like killing myself out of guilt everytime i see you around, or your stuff on facebook, or your name in emails even. you have no idea how much tears ive spent on you, and wishing that i could redo that whole moment where i clicked that one button.

im ready to let it go now. but this doesnt mean that im going to forget what i did and do it again. im sorry it had to happen to you, but thankyou, for helping me learn. even though i bet you hate my guts right now, im really grateful to you for letting everything proceed smoothly in may. it hurts when you treat me as non-exsistent, or ignore me totally, but i really do deserve it. ive wanted to thank you in person so many times, but i guess i still lack the courage from that day in march. i cant even come up to you and wish you luck for CTs, because im that ashamed.

so goodbye, sinking feeling in my stomach. and even though i'll still remember everytime i see something related to you, or hear people talk about you, i'll apologise once more in my heart, and let it stop haunting me.

if youre reading this, and you think its cliched and fake, then so be it. if you think im oversensitive, so be it. but this post is every bit true, and so were my emotions.

thankyou for helping me grow as a person. and i will never forget you. ever.

dyou even know who you are? can you even hear me?

riddle.

2010-07-01T20:57:00.001+08:00

i am the beginning of eternity and the end of time and space.

who am i?

saturated head.

2010-06-28T10:03:00.001+08:00

therapy is expensive. popping bubblewrap is cheap.

bubblewrap anyone?

on love.

2010-06-26T22:09:00.001+08:00

i know this is such a wrong time for this, but

if the person you love loved another, what would you do?

give up, or persist and wait?

quick decisions.

2010-06-10T22:05:00.002+08:00

im getting better at making quick decisions man.

i think the camera i bought at the airport has something to do with this whole change in decision-making ><

went to the orthodontist today. plucked out 4 teeth for braces. first consultation today. seriously some split-second decision making. okay fine, so i didnt exactly make it. mum made it for me.

omgosh lah. kept bleeding non-stop. came home and napped for like 3 hours ++ coz somehow it was tiring. and the doctor drilled my bone away to extract my tooth. the anaesthetic wore off halfway -.- EPIC. PAIN LIKE HELL.

my whole mouth tastes like blood. STILL. and i cant brush my teeth ><

took some record time to have dinner! haha im like 4 teeth down, all the teeth immediately behind the 4 canines are gone, and theres some rubber thing in between the teeth after my canine and the next. cant bite properly now coz it really hurts. haha so i cant chew with my back teeth, and i dont think anyone chews with their front right.

took 1 hour to finish one bowl of rice (not because i wasnt hungry) and like 30mins to finish one bowl of dessert. oh, and a whole lot of agony too. the day i cant eat properly i get all my fav food for dinner. UNFAIRNESS.

haha at least i had fries and cheesy curry chicken and pretzel while out studying with rachel and claire (: if not i would just die.

i miss my teeth ):

noisy songs.

2010-06-08T22:30:00.001+08:00

i like noisy songs.

they make sure you dont think too much coz theres too much sound around (:

people.

2010-06-07T00:19:00.002+08:00

I've just lost all motivation to continue posting about what happened in nz actually. I know I've got it all written down in my diary somewhere so I won't forget.

to all those expecting me to post about hillary challenge, I'm sorry I won't be able to finish what I've started. go read francis' blog if you're that interested. link on left column(:

on another note, I'm contemplating moving my blog. perhaps to somewhere where I can lock my posts and all. so many things I want to post but obviously can't coz I cannot seem to password protect my posts. ugh.

can't believe j1 is making me more emo than ever before. I don't know why- okay maybe I do know. somehow the feeling of crappiness really isn't leaving, no matter what I'm trying to do.

was talking to tiffy just now. came to the same conclusion.

why is it that when people say "don't worry, you can count on me. i'll be here for you(:", they hardly ever mean it in the end? I guess it's those that do eventually stick around and check up on you that really count. even if they're not in the same class as you, and hardly see each other around. haha gosh, am I even still making sense?

those false promises of "I'll be there for you"- are they just a bunch of words? I think so now.

when you need it the most, who are those still left?

why i havent posted.

2010-05-30T21:02:00.000+08:00

i wanted to post yesterday, but i finish rewatching code geass and got all emo again >< so i observed a one day no posting in memory of lelouch ):

i wanted to post today, until i came back from my grandma's house. after i had two dinners, my grandma called me fat. so i went to weigh myself and ive gained SIX KG. now im emo. im observing another day of no posting in memory of my sub 40 weight ):

11th may 2010

2010-05-28T22:26:00.002+08:00

i shall start posting about the new zealand trip, since a few people (AHEM AHEM) are really eager to copy off what i write.

I DEMAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS, DUDES. (if im feeling mean, i want royalties too :D)

so this is the day we all left for new zealand!

stayed up packing till like 1-2am coz there were SO MANY things to pack. had to sit on my luggage to close it ><

went to school for like 50min to celebrate janny's bday :D haha blur girl was supposed to walk past the amphi area so we could ambush her, but somehow her parents dropped her off at the parade square, so >< surprise attempt failed. haha. we ended up walking towards her holding some weird cake/candy thingy (which dayna got from ikea, was it?) and candles stuck in it 10 minutes before assembly started. the whole parade square was like staring or sth.

went for civics, continued watching invictus >< ran out to the photocopy shop halfway, came back, dumped notes with the class, then ran off, back home :D haha. met waiian on the way out to collect a note she wrote(: super sweet!

uhh. i cant really remember what i did at home short of sleeping, using the com and doing last minute packing.

went to the airport around 515 coz my dad said there would be some massive traffic jam. whatever you say, daddy.

ended up there at like 545, 15 minutes early. mum talked to mr chan (i hate it when teachers and parents talk).

uhh, lets see. checked in our luggage when everyone arrived, then split and went for dinner.

(HEY CUIERS AND ZHIYUAN, IF YOURE READING THIS, THANKS FOR COMING TO SEND US OFF :D HOPE YOU ENJOYED DINNER!)

i went for dinner with cuiers and zhiyuan. haha was some major suanning session. even my dad joined in. unfortunately, he decided NOT to help his own daughter. how wonderful -.-

haha by the time we all got together again after dinner, there was this whole big group/gangs of people that gathered to send us off. lets see if i can remember. there was joel's class, jonsee's class, francis' 01 scouts, team 1, the previous hillary team, oh rachel yek and i cant really remember anymore >< oh there were rgs teachers (actually just ms mariette ong)! and mrs julie hoo :D somehow it just added up to be this whole huge group of people :D

hannah was so super sweet, she wrote the 3 girls little cards whose message can only be read if they're read together :D and cheryl made us little keychains that we can hang on our stuff (thanks cheryl :D) thankyou 45th for the cards!

after like idk, half an hour of byes and a whole lot of waving, we finally made it through the gates! haha. and we were STILL waving our arms off inside the gate xD

i just broke my own personal record for like the fastest decision made for buying stuff. EVER.

haha because my camera was some really lao pok thingy that was falling apart, daddy gave me like $200 to buy a new camera. and with the WHOLE team plus teachers standing there waiting for me, it was a HELL LOT of stress lah. like seriously. it was just: walk into shop, see camera, like camera, buy camera. FASTEST DECISION EVER ZOMG. haha. at least i dont regret it! and my camera comes with this cool make-up mode that automatically conceals all your pimples xD how cool is that!

got window seat in the plane! bryan swapped seats with mrs lee, so bryan, francis and i ended up together in the same row. haha bryan and i decided to watch shutter island, and we both got really freaked out and started saying how we were going to get nightmares! >< francis just sat in between the both of us and laughed >< thanks dude. haha cant really remember what we ate on the plane, except that it was vaguely good. chicken i think? haha oops. anyway, the movie was quite good, even though the twist at the end was abit lame, and the story ended in a slightly freaky way.

i cannot believe i actually wanted to watch 'the imaginarium of dr. parnassus' while it was out in cinemas. okay, so the list of cast looks great. you dont actually get to see any of the good actors/actresses in the first 45min of the show. there was SO MUCH TALKING. goodness. after the first 45min, i actually just gave up watching the movie and went to sleep. haha i am SUCH a trendsetter, coz the two other people beside me who were watching the same show, gave up shortly after me and went to bed xD SUCKERS. none of us managed to finish the show xD

woke up after awhile of sleeping coz its like virtually impossible to sleep comfortably in economy class (unless you're
1. a big fat pig, or
2. really tired, or
3. just able to sleep anywhere in any position)
haha and yes. my two other rowmates woke up shortly after me. no, its not because i was noisy or anything >< its not like i talk to myself! tried to camhore abit >< quite fail xD played abit of bejeweled before we landed.

oh oh! and the plane was the new plane! the one with the usb port so you can actually charge your stuff if you wanted to! but i left my ipod charger in my bag >< and my ipod was full batt anyway.

reached nz at something like 1050. bright and early in the morning!

to be continued (:

back to hot singapore.

2010-05-25T10:56:00.001+08:00

ZOMG.

im going to die from the heat back here.

shall post about nz soon. after acclimatising back to singapore xD

at least i dont have gp ct to worry about.

hc 3-day camp

2010-05-11T09:17:00.002+08:00

haha. i said i would blog before i left. so here it is! im keeping my fingers really crossed that i'll somehow manage to find internet connection there. i rather that than handphone reception. coz then at least i wouldnt have to call home xD

soo. lets see what happened during the camp.

DAY 1

reported at ri at 7am (i think). haha mr chan made us pack so much stuff that we could barely fit all our clothes in our bag lah! (yeah, we are a bunch of idiots hiking in singapore with WINTER clothing in our bag.) haha. should have brought a camera to take the different contorted shapes of the bags xD after a hell lot of stuffing and cramming and squishing (we squished a whole loaf of bread to like 7cm thickness and stuffed it into our bags. SUPER SICK. haha.), we managed to fit in all the rations into our bag and then we set off!

first stop was shines adventure centre at kallang. yes. that means we hiked from RI to kallang with PACKS. mine was something like 15.6 kg. thats like 3/8 of my weight. imagine the weight the guys were carrying. oohh.. scary lah.

did rock climbing, abseiling and more high elements at the outdoor place. seriously. the rj one was like 10 000x scarier. after you do the high ropes at rj, the others are really like no kick lah >< just walk only. and and! once you get the hang of abseiling, its actually pretty fun! esp when you go super fast! like just zoom down the whole wall xD the instructor that was doing back-up belay for joel nearly got rope burn coz joel went down like super fast xD

after that, we walked BACK PAST RI, and all the way to sembawang water venture. by the time we reached, it was like 10pm >< super dark and super ulu place >< dinner was rice, jap seaweed, curry chicken and miso soup. AWESOMENESS. haha. we only finished eating at around 11 though. and most (haha actually just gracia and francis) people were sunburnt!

we climbed over the fence to get to a nearby toilet to wash our cutlery and pots. then we all promptly proceeded to crash in our tents.

francis' half dug shit-hole was never used xD

DAY 2

we somehow managed to lose the flour in the middle of all the cramming the day before, so we had boiled apples and instant cereal for breakfast!

haha the boiled apples were SUPER NICE, and the instant cereal was well... instant cereal.

first time in a single-person kayak! the instructor gave us bandits- which are supposedly the hardest to control and most disgusting kayaks around. yupp. that just about fits the description. for the first 30min or an hour, most of us were just going around in circles and turning at places we didnt want to turn. in short, we went in all directions but where we wanted to go xD

after lunch we started on our mini expeditions. after we all kayaked a certain distance from the start point, we had to pair up and tow someone. haha so someone takes this belt thingo with a long rope and straps it on, then ties the rope onto the other person's kayak. so we did this in like guy-girl kinda thing.

lucky me. i got bryan >< tall and super strong. hahaha i had a great time being towed. then once we reached the end of the route, the instructor told us to switch over. so i had to tow bryan. who is 1.5 times my weight (or more). oh, did i mention we had to TOW THE GUYS ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE STARTING LINE? WTH. haha. i swear, we were moving at a rate of 1cm/min. haha. the instructor semi-gave up on us halfway and just told us to kayak back to shore when he saw that the girls really COULDNT tow the guys xD

once we reached the start, we still had to carry the kayaks out of the water. by ourselves. so i got this huge bruise on my hip from an 18kg kayak resting there ><

after washing up and everything, we left at around 6pm? and mr chan said he wanted us to reach changi village by 10pm. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. initially he wanted us to walk there. FUNNY. in the end we took the mrt, then we walked to the campsite, and we reached there at 10pm. HAHA WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF WE DIDNT TAKE MRT MAN.

oh oh, and in the mrt (circle line) we managed to get an empty train, so we camped at the end of the train. haha with our big huge hiking bags, it really did look like some refugee corner xD quite funny.

when we reached the campsite we all just died man. all the random aches. dinner was spaghetti and minestrone soup. quite good. especially when you're starving ><

haha a cat ran in and out of the guy's tent. TWICE xD

DAY THREE

packed up the campsite and had a SUPER LONG DEBRIEF by teachers after breakfast. yupp.

went over to ubin to bike abit. AND JUST AS I WAS SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR NOT FALLING OFF THE BIKE, I FELL.

okay, it wasnt a really drastic fall. just got scratched by the bike pedal. i swear i see my blood every biking trip. grah.

AND A WARNING TO ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BIKE AT UBIN. THE PLACE CALLED 'EASY RIDGE' IS PLAIN BULLSHIT. someone needs to educate the people about the meaning of easy ><

it started raining so we couldnt bike all the way to chek jawa.

BUT, we stopped to have lunch! courtesy of mr raymond chan! haha after 3 days of camp food, cooked food is really super awesome.

went home sunburnt and just died on the bed.

haha. im just glad im not sunburnt to the point where i have different coloured skin after i peel xD (sorry gracia, sorry francis xD)

about the 3day camp

2010-05-09T21:35:00.000+08:00

i so need to blog about the torturous 3day camp over labour day before i leave for nz.

thinking of bringing a diary to nz. but who knows how much energy i'll have to write in it. ah well.

haha this is awesome

2010-05-05T10:13:00.002+08:00

Did you know that the school actually has Internet connection? As in wireless (: awesomez. Now that I know, i can do half A million things with my iPod (: whee!

Haha will post about camp later today. Shall attempt to listen in math now xD